Published: July 26, 2025
“Even if I collapse from the self-eater, Lutz, you don’t have to feel responsible, okay? It really hits suddenly. Besides, I’m not beaten yet. I haven’t made my book yet.”
Myne’s small voice echoed softly by my ear, as if trying to comfort me.
I didn’t want to show my pitiful crying face, so I carried Myne on my back.
But because I was carrying Myne, I couldn’t wipe away the tears falling down.
Little patches of tears formed on Myne’s arms.
I wanted to help her, but I couldn’t.
I clenched my teeth in frustration at my own helplessness.
Myne always says, “I’m useless,” but to me, she’s an irreplaceable existence.
She laughed and affirmed my dream of becoming a merchant, a dream so foolish it was ignored and ridiculed even by my family.
Even when Benno introduced me, I was really scared to the point of wanting to run away, but Myne took my hand and offered a helping hand.
I couldn’t do anything on my own, but because Myne thought and acted together with me, a path to becoming an apprentice opened up.
Even now, Myne is teaching me everything about how to become a merchant: how to write letters, how to read numbers, how to calculate, and how to think about money.
Yet, I still can’t help Myne who is suffering from the self-eater.
I don’t have the money to save Myne. Though I’ve started earning a little, it’s all because of Myne’s ideas.
If stronger, more capable adults had cooperated with Myne instead of me making things myself, paper would have been ready much earlier, and I could have earned much more. Maybe then, Myne could have made enough money to be saved.
Thinking about these things is all I can do, and it makes me miserable, frustrated, and ashamed at my own weakness.
If I weren’t a child but an adult, could I have saved Myne? If I were running a big business like Benno’s master and had money, then maybe I could...
Clenching my teeth, I carried Myne on my back and walked toward Benno’s shop, where there should be enough power and money to help Myne.
Surely, Benno’s master would help Myne. After all, he recognizes the value of the things Myne makes.
When I arrived at the shop, Mark and Benno were standing outside, waiting. Mark looked worried, and Benno wore a bitter expression.
Not wanting to show my soggy, pitiful face that couldn’t even wipe away tears, I lowered my head and glared at the cobblestones.
Benno’s shoe tip came into view.
“Hah... damn it,” Benno sighed as he approached.
Just then, my back suddenly felt light.
“Ugh!?”
Startled by Myne’s voice, I looked up just in time to see Mark effortlessly catch Myne as she was tossed towards him.
My heart nearly jumped out of my throat at the sight of Myne thrown into the air.
“Ah!?”
“Whoa!?”
Relieved to see Mark firmly catch her, my anger toward Benno grew.
I inhaled sharply to shout, “How dare you do that to a sick person!” but Benno just nodded towards the shop.
“Only Lutz goes inside. Come.”
My spirit deflated, and after gasping, I followed Benno into the back of the shop.
There was no problem leaving Myne with Mark. At least, that was safer than leaving her with Benno. I told myself that as I hurried to wipe my face with my sleeve at the sound of the door slamming shut.
Benno led me to the usual table. As I sat, Benno’s reddish-brown eyes gleamed as he looked me up and down and finally spoke.
“...Have symptoms of the self-eater appeared?”
“Why...?”
“You’re carrying her on your back, but Myne looked fine. I thought it was the kind of self-eater fever that spikes and then suddenly drops. Even though you’re together so much, is this the first time you’ve seen it?”
I nodded. We had been together all the time—going to the forest, going to the shop, making paper—but this was the first time I had seen Myne’s self-eater symptoms.
There were no signs of worsening health at all. Suddenly, Myne’s fever rose so high I thought her body might melt. It was terrifying to see some yellowish steam rising from her as if coming from every part of her body.