Published: July 25, 2025
Yesterday, I cried and cried endlessly. Even when they told me it was time to eat, or scolded me for dropping my parents’ futons on the floor, I couldn’t respond much and just kept crying.
And this morning, my eyes were swollen and burning from too much crying, and my head throbbed painfully.
But it seemed like my fever had completely gone down, and I didn’t feel any fatigue in my body. Moreover, after crying so much, I felt mentally much clearer.
At breakfast, my family treated me somewhat like a delicate, fragile thing.
“Your fever has gone down,”
my mother said, touching my forehead with her cold hands, which she had just used to wash dishes. She also gently pressed around my swollen eyes.
The coldness felt incredibly soothing.
“Hey, Myne, if you’re feeling better, shall we go shopping together today?”
“Huh? Mom, what about work? I’m fine now, so is it okay for me to skip work?”
I was pretty sure she had said, “The dyeing job is busiest right now, so even if Myne has a high fever, she has to go to work.” Is that really how adults behave?
When my mother saw me tilting my head in confusion, she looked down sadly.
“Tulli couldn’t just stay taking care of you all the time; it wouldn’t be fair to keep you cooped up inside. And yesterday, you wouldn’t stop crying, which left Tulli at a loss. People around us thought you were crying because you felt lonely, so I asked around and managed to get time off.”
Her words made me gasp. A 22-year-old mental age openly crying all day like a toddler — I wanted to dig a hole and hide. When I calmed down, I felt terribly ashamed of what I had done.
“I- I’m sorry.”
“That’s not something you need to apologize for. Being sick makes you feel vulnerable.”
My mother gently patted my head and comforted me, but her kindness only made me feel more overwhelmed with guilt.
I’m sorry. I cried in despair because there were no books, but I never once thought I was lonely without you, Mom. Even though I’ve caused you so much worry and trouble, I selfishly hoped Tulli would just go out quickly so I could look for books. I’m really sorry.
“Tulli is going to the nearby forest with everyone else, but since you’re just recovering, it’s still too soon for you. How about going shopping with Mom?”
“Okay!”
“Oh my, you suddenly seem so cheerful.”
My mom smiled happily, probably glad to have me by her side. I smiled back at her.
“Hehe, I’m just looking forward to it.”
Mom seemed pleased, and I wasn’t about to correct her misunderstanding. The thought that I might find at least a book if I went out lifted my spirits significantly.
Today, I’d go shopping with her and get a book.
It didn’t have to be a thick book. I just wanted something to help me learn a little more writing. Even a children’s workbook would do. Something like an “A I U E O” chart or an alphabet chart.
Surely, if a sickly daughter cutely said, “I won’t be lonely if I have a book. I’ll be home all by myself,” they’d buy me at least a picture book.
Hehe, I’m so excited.
“Well then, Mom. I’m heading out.”
Tulli peeked into the bedroom with a big smile. Today, since Mom had the day off, Tulli was free from babysitting me.
“You’re going with everyone, right? Be careful.”
“Yup!”
Tulli slung a large basket on her back and ran off with a spring in her step, looking as happy as if she were going out to play. But this was a serious chore — gathering firewood. She was also supposed to find nuts and mushrooms. Whether our meals would be cheap and delicious depended entirely on Tulli.
Go, Tulli! Add some flavor to my diet!
Apparently, in this world where so much is missing, there were no schools either. All the children helped out or worked. At least, in my experience, I’d never heard of anything like a school. Children older than Tulli started apprenticeships.
If I could choose, I wanted to become a librarian apprentice or a bookstore apprentice. Today’s outing was an information-gathering mission for that. I wanted to confirm the bookstore’s location, get friendly with the people there, and become an apprentice.