Published: July 26, 2025
Even after returning home, Lutz’s words kept swirling around in my mind.
The fact that Lutz hesitated but still said it clearly meant that I must be seen as highly suspicious.
What would happen if they found out I wasn’t Myne?
They’d definitely scold me with a mix of confusion, anger, and fear—saying things like “Give Myne back!” or “It’s your fault Myne disappeared!”
If Lutz told the family that, my place here would vanish.
If I were just kicked out of the house, that would still be better, but in the worst case—if this were a world where witch hunts were happening—I might be thought possessed by a demon and be tortured and killed.
The descriptions of torture from witch hunt books I had read flashed in my mind, chilling me to the bone.
...I don’t want pain. I don’t want fear.
If I had to be tortured, I’d rather die.
I hate the idea of being thrown out or tortured, but if I just gave in to the fever inside me first, I could die from the suffering of that fever alone. If I want to die, I have a method to throw away my life easily without anyone stopping me.
It would be better to die before the torture.
It’s a simple thought, but dying consumed by the fever feels much easier than being tortured. Thinking that made breathing a little easier.
Besides, when I really thought about it, the reason I stayed in this world, resisting the fever, was to apologize to Lutz. I came running away from the fever because I wanted to keep my promise to Lutz.
I already apologized to Lutz, and I fulfilled my promise by introducing him to Otto. So, you could say my regrets have been somewhat resolved.
Meeting Benno brought paper making within reach, so I want to make paper and books, but I don’t really have attachment to this world itself.
It’s easy for Lutz to find me creepy since I’m not Myne and avoid me, but if he does avoid me, the paper making won’t succeed.
If I explain properly, it’s very likely Lutz will behave until the paper is made and I’m confirmed as a merchant apprentice.
I should be able to manage until the paper is done, and if I want to die, I can do it anytime.
Once I steeled myself, I felt much better. It’s not a clear conclusion, but I found some inner peace.
No matter what I do, I can only watch how Lutz reacts.
Whenever the time comes to die, I won’t regret it if I put all my effort into making paper.
Even if I say I’ve steeled myself, it doesn’t mean I have no resistance to meeting Lutz.
The next morning, I faced Lutz with some nervousness.
“I’m going to the forest today. I need to collect firewood.”
When Lutz said that, my face lit up.
I had to submit the remaining order forms and go to Benno’s shop to teach how to make Simple-chan Rinshan.
While Lutz was away, it was the perfect chance to finish as many suspicious errands as possible and buy time before I got found out.
“Okay. I’ll go to Benno’s place. I have to submit the order forms for the bamboo mats and discuss where to receive the deliveries.”
“...You’re going alone?”
“Yes. That’s right.”
If Lutz can’t come with me, I have no choice but to go alone. Plus, since today’s dealings were mostly with adults, it was better for me not to have anyone close by.
“...Can you really go alone?”
“I’m fine.”
Lutz clenched his fist tightly and looked like he wanted to say something. Still, he said nothing and just said, “See you,” then headed toward the forest.
I had already been to Benno’s shop once. If you count Otto’s house, that’s twice. Going alone was no big deal.
I grabbed my usual tote bag containing the stone tablet, stylus, and order form set and started walking toward Benno’s shop.
Alright, let’s finish as many errands as possible today.
“Good morning. Oh, Mark. Is Benno here? I brought the order forms.”
Benno’s shop was busy with customers coming and going nonstop, probably because of lots of vendors. I hurried over to Mark, who I knew by sight.
“The master is busy, so I’ll take care of it.”
Mark said this and held out his hand, so I handed him the order form set I took out of my bag: completed order forms, ink, and a tape measure.